job search.

There are things that are more depressing than being on a seemingly endless job search, but I can't be bothered to imagine them right now.

In the past couple of months (well much longer actually, it's just been a couple of months of concentrated work) I have surrounded myself with books on writing cover letters, and resumés. I've even worked very hard on a demo reel. Would you like one? I'll gladly send any out in the mail. It would be helpful if you are or know someone who is looking to hire a video editor... or just an assistant editor... or just a production assistant willing to go out and get/make coffee. I'll do anything, short of blow jobs, to get a serious job with a future.

You can see the desperation here, I'm sure.

All the books have advised me to be aggressive in my search, which is does not mean fighting past receptionist and confronting the all important potential boss demanding immediate employment and benefits. That would be fun until the cops show up. Sadly, it means writing boastful letters along with resumés that make the most insignificant old job responsibilities seem enormously important and exciting. Hence my stint as a helicopter manager, although cool sounding, really meant me sitting in a truck filling out forms and then waiting... and waiting, and ultimately doing very little for a week and bit while fires burnt, my hands tied by ridiculous red tape.

But according to my resume it looks as if I was actually making management decisions and saving the day.

I didn't lie. I just didn't explain what being a helicopter manager for the US forest service really means.

Just the same, not a lot of call for helicopter managers, and no one so far can relate the experience of trying to get things done while working within bureaucratic red tape and failing, with a currently available job. Go figure.

So a couple of weeks ago I bravely wrote a cover letter that was way out of my comfort level. I suggested that me working for a television production company was vital. In reality, this is not so. I even said I would call him. Which I have. No answer yet. Don't send me advice about calling again... because I will again on monday. It fills me with dread because I picture the busy producer not wanting to hear from me at all.

This is far worse than when I was young and trying to get laid. Although I didn't really know what I was doing then either and there were no helpful books for that, I never really believed I would be a virgin forever. Looking for work though... I'm not so sure I will find a job. And the books aren't so helpful as my imagination has me picturing a very annoyed man in an office sneering at my letter full of piss and bullshit.

Looking over several job boards, seems I need to know how to write computer code, know 3 other programs I haven't heard of and somehow already have 3 years experience in these obscure programs that I'm not so sure have even been available for 3 years. Also, I need a course or two for a couple of positions I know I could do tomorrow. Apparently each course, even if it only last 3 days costs 1000$. Very helpful. Thank you.

So now, despite having a volunteer responsibility that I keep avoiding, I find myself bummed out and stressed when I have to seem happy and easy to get along with and ever so industrious.

HEY YOU MONEY BAGS OUT THERE READING THIS... FUCKING HIRE ME! (please)

Look, it's is on your interest. Eventually I will run out of money and have to hunt squirrels and gather dandelions in the park. And who wants to see that?