another of Brule's rules.

Gender has become a confusing topic since I grew up.

Seems things aren't as straight forward as they were in kindergarten.

Seems a lot info from back then turned out to be overly simplistic at best, outright lies for the most part.

In confusing times like this, I like to go to my current physician for advice; Dr Steve Brule.

lost finale leaves me lost.

I am a torn emotionally today... thank you television addiction.

It all started a few years ago when C brought back a DVD from our local video shop to our humble little Montréal apartment. At the time, I was unemployed (familiar theme), C was still in school... and we were getting used to living together after several months apart. I vaguely remember being skeptical at the time, thinking that I was above hype and becoming a 'fan boy' of anything.

Well, Lost grabbed me from the first episode. I cannot resist a good story and not since the X-Files had I felt that I was watching something so worthwhile that wasn't a documentary. It was an exciting weekend of living on the futon, watching the entire season one together, not dressing or answering the phone. It was a spectacular waste of a long weekend and I still look back with a strange longing.

We watched the entires series, which is a rare thing these days... my attention span has been in decline lately. And despite C stating that she was now impatient with the show and frustrated, she still managed to get emotional at all the predictable points as the music swooned and we get the close up of a kiss or tear or smile between characters. Up to last week, my curmudgeonly television sidekick was bitching and moaning about all the hoopla and mystery and wishing for it all to be over. I had to remind her about sticking by a show to the end and that this would say something about our character. It does not.

Personally, I was unconvinced that my questions could possibly be answered in the 2 and a half remaining hours. Fuck me if I wasn't right to be concerned.

Here is where I become torn between two thoughts.

First off, the internet has not made us closer together, it has bonded nasty nerds together in being jerks since no one can actually bunch the world wide web. Try. You can't, can you?

But I logged on, with watering eyes (I got something in them... popcorn probably) to see what the mean spirited dweebs were saying. I gotta say, what a bunch of jerks. No one was satisfied.

So my first thought? Why does anyone figure they have some right to finish the story the way they want to? This wasn't your tale to tell. This was a few select creative types that made a show. Remember the last movie that was written by thousands of dorks on the internet? It was Snakes On A Plane. That's right. A complete waste of time except to make me terrified of airline bathrooms. You just shouldn't write stories by giving up creative control to the masses. We as humans should all realize that in mass groups we are incredibly stupid. In fact, we are dumber than those lemmings that old Walt Disney pushed over a cliff.

Humans just work smarter in small groups. Of course, your average family might put my theory to a serious test.

However, that said, I am not impressed this morning. I feel like I was somehow manipulated. I have questions that demand answers, and I am left with my theories.

The worst of these theories is that there wasn't as much thought put into the writing as it seemed. Some of the mysteries don't have answers... or the answers are hinted at, but large blanks are left out due to lack of care for the audience.

This logic leads me back to my first point about it not being my story to tell. Still, explain the polar bears better. DO IT NOW! Be very clear about it please.

What was the real point of the Dharma Initiative? Yes they were there to study the island... that doesn't answer a damn thing though. Humankind went to the moon to study it, but they had a plan and a reason (to embarrass the Russians, it turns out... please refer to my theory about large groups of humans).

Why did those seemingly in the know, such as Ben, Desmond, Desmond's father in law, at least try to explain what they each knew. Not like any of them had the full story about any of this. Couldn't they come to some understanding? Perhaps an island conference. They had enough Dharma houses and compounds to meet at.

There is still the matter of those two who were buried with diamonds while paralyzed. That will haunt me since no one ever, ever tried to explain the reason to even show their plot twist at all.

Before the finale, I watched a couple of cute interviews with the master minds behind the show. It became clear that they included 'easter eggs' which I guess is the current short hand expression for facts which do not lead to answers and only serve to give the geeks a thrill. I confess that I was thrilled with some of them, but thought they would lead to some sort of explanation. Apparently they never intended that to be the case. It was a tease that could have easily led me to studying many philosophers and physicists in a fruitless effort to understand what the writers of Lost were trying to say. I don't like being tricked into education. It makes me want to punch someone.

I still don't know why not every character was in the church at the end, though I'm somewhat certain it had more to do with the fact that the producers could not get all the actors together. Kinda gives you the feeling that these guys were the cool kids and all those other folk on the plane, and all the others, and the Dharma dudes and so forth were not cool.

What pisses me off isn't the odd ending, cause I did feel emotional last night when they all looked into the bright light... hoping actual death is that calm and maudlin (it probably won't be. I expect death to involve that creepy old man from the commercials for six flags... you know, the guy with the tuxedo and bald head, forever dancing to that horrible song... yup, that is how I imagine death). What pisses me off is that I can see how someone will try and make this into a movie franchise. So much is left to our imaginations, mainly what happens as Hurley and Ben rule the island together.

See, if they had bothered to finish it up tight and answer most of the questions, I would have forgotten a few of the ones that keep popping up in my head now that I'm slightly pissed at the finale. (Note I said slightly pissed off).

A further clue into the franchising fear is that on the american channel we were watching, Lost managed to sell out to Target, with Lost themed adverts. Not good. That would be one of the tackiest of sell outs by my count.

Watch what happens with large committees made up of ever larger groups of humans try and make money off a creative endeavour after the best before date. There will be a movie... it will be called Lost: Hurley and Ben's Big Adventure. It may include a bike and some comic relief at the golf course... and trips in the microbus looking for a Whitespot for Hurley.

When all the mystery has been sucked out of the story.... we may find ourselves even less impressed. It is the danger of knowing too much. I will now attempt to accept that mystery is good and not turn into a ungrateful dork screaming into the internet.

PS I should point out that I went out of my way to create a Lost meal that was delicious. I used ingredients that should grow naturally on a south pacific mystery island. Mango salsa with chicken rubbed in pepper, salt and coriander. It was good and I refrained from using Dharma logos on anything.

baby dinosaurs are loud.